When I first started blogging on WordPress, I noticed a lot of people started their own blogs after a breakup, wanting to document their heartbreak. Heartbreak, really is beautiful, you’ll never feel the same intense feelings again than you will during this period in your life. This article is not about heartbreak, but more of needing closure after a relationship ending, that unfortunately I was never given.
One of the most important things about moving on is closure. After a friendship and a relationship that expanded over 6 years, all of this being my whole adult life, I still see myself thinking about him, but not of love, appreciation or respect, but in anger and frustration.
We left things on good terms; I approached him about separating and remaining friends, as we both wanted different things. I am extremely bad with confrontation so I did this in a public place, at a pub, there was not many people around and still felt private and secluded. There was no tears or shouting; it felt good… it was right, by the end we were laughing and talking like how we use to, when we friends. The weight was lifted.
It was decided that he would continue to live with me until the month was out, which was four weeks away. We shared the same bed in the beginning; there was no sexual tension, just like a sleepover with a friend. Everything was going great and according to plan.
Two weeks later, it was the weekend. I was on the phone to a friend who was having a mental episode, which unfortunately she cannot stop when they start. The ex decided that he would go out to get dinner while I was on the phone (fair enough, it would have been a very uncomfortable conversation to listen too). He did not return for six hours… and without dinner. Instead he went out to a tiki bar that was down the road, one of my favourite places. There he met a girl, had a great night (good on him) and I was really happy for him at the time. That night we did cuddle, I was feeling extremely vulnerable at that moment in time, and needed the human interaction.
A week later he took the girl out for a date.
I told him that it was great that he was going out, as he never wanted to go out anywhere with me and he had become a bit of a hermit while we were dating. But if the dates were going to continue, he would have to be sleeping on the couch, as it was not fair or appropriate if he was sleeping in a bed with me, and dating another girl.
Well, this didn’t go down well and he refused to sleep on the couch, so being the pushover that I am, I ended up being kicked out of my own bed.
Two more weeks passed.
Things between them were becoming more serious.
I finally convinced him that it was inappropriate; he also found a new place, about ten minutes from where we were currently living. He finally started to sleep on the couch, and I got my bed back.
He moved out five days later. With one of our best friends, that he met in high school, and I had become friends with later on.
Two weeks into moving, we hung out once as friends. And suddenly he ended up hating me.
He would not make eye contact.
He would not make conversation.
He would not come out with our friends.
If I ran into him walking down the street, he would cross the road.
If I were hanging out with our friend at the apartment he would leave.
If I tried to say hi, he would ignore me.
I once ended up at the same gig as him, with his new girlfriend. I was able to talk to her, just as I would a friend. He pretended I didn’t exist, and was constantly embracing and kissing her. It was awkward, and I said nothing and sat in the beer garden puffing on cigarettes and enjoying the music from outside with cold beer.
I knew things would not be the same about three months after we broke up. I had started dating someone (who I am still with now), it was Easter Monday and the ex had been away visiting a friend who lived in the country. So I thought it would be safe to go over and binge watch the new season of ‘Outlander’ on Netflix. We didn’t know when he would be back.
He arrived about three episodes in, I was sitting on one of the lounge chairs, our friend on the other, and we had just made some popcorn and were drinking ciders. I don’t think he realised I was there, as the chairs were facing a different way. He was having a conversation with our friend, I thought he knew I was sitting there and shouted out:
‘We just made some popcorn! You want some?’
There was a pause.
‘NO!’ he slammed something down, opened the fridge up, and slammed the door so hard, you could hear the jars rattling from the inside.
He stormed off past us, beer in hand. And slammed his door.
He emerged ten minutes later, with laundry. Still stomping his feet, making sure everything he was doing was heard. Slamming of laundry doors, huffing sounds…and then he left.
Thinking that he had gone to his girlfriends house, I stayed to continue watching our show. We had waited 6 months for this, and we weren’t going to let his bad energy ruin our plans.
He came back an hour later, realising I was still there. Threw the keys across the room. Stormed to his room, you could feel every footstep vibrating off the ground and slammed his door shut.
It was his house, I didn’t want drama. I left shortly after. Still confused what I did for him to hate me so much, when I broke up with him it was for good intentions, he was so happy now. Just seeing me was the problem. Even though we promised to remain friends.
It has now been over a year. I have not seen him in 8 months, there has been no communication. If he saw me now, I don’t think his attitude towards me would have changed.
I still do not know why his attitude towards me changed.
I wish we could be friends or at least be able to be in the same room together. I still think about him today, wanting some sort of closure. I hope I will one day get this, but life and people are funny like that.
I just want closure.
I think it’s important to have closure in any relationship that ends – from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense of clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase.