To Be Different

Note:- If this article speaks to anyone on any level and would like to talk about their experiences with PCOS please feel free to email me at I’m hoping this blog is the beginning of something amazing. Fingers crossed cysters!


I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) when I was 16 years old. By this time I was in 10th grade, I had not had my period, and my mother was concerned. After seeing a doctor, they recommended a specialist at a hospital. This was the beginning of some of the darkest times of my life, but I only realised this now, when looking back and I am still battling this every day.

Sitting in the waiting room, I wasn’t really concerned, I felt grown up almost. There was something wrong with me! This one concern was about me, and only me! I was finally seeing a doctor about why I felt like my body did not belong to me, feeling more male than female.

At first I thought the only symptom was not having a period cycle. But I was wrong… deeply wrong. I was already very self-conscious and aware of my body issues, always covering my body behind baggy clothing, I had a lot of the physical symptoms. I was fat, had slight back acne, slight hair on my face and lower back, skin discoloration in my armpit and thigh areas and I was always craving sugar and always tired. At this stage I had severe depression.

My whole life people had commented on my weight; my family, friends, people my own age (wishing someone understood what was happening to me and accepted the way I was, craving any male attention). It never really concerned me though, well I didn’t want people to think it concerned me.

Yes, it hurt when it was my own family, only because in my mind I was thinking ‘you’re the ones who made me like this’.

Yes, I was big, not morbidly obese…but big enough.

When people my age commented on my weight, either in just conversation or trying to insult me… I agreed with them… I didn’t deny the obvious. I never physically looked like the girls I went to school with or socialised with.

I was tall.

I was broad in stature.

I had no boobs and a flat butt (and I still don’t have either of these)

But I’ve learnt to accept my looks, and the way my body is. If I had a chance to change this, then yeah I probably would, but I can’t at this stage in my life…and that’s ok too.

Learn to accept yourself, the way you are. We are all beautiful and unique.

I will be discussing more of this subject in later blogs, so please follow me if you would like to read more about my struggle with PCOS, depression and self-image. And hopefully stories of other human struggles. We are all in this together.


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