Note:- If this article speaks to anyone on any level and would like to talk about their experiences with PCOS please feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I’m hoping this blog is the beginning of something amazing. Fingers crossed cysters!
I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) when I was 16 years old. By this time I was in 10th grade, I had not had my period, and my mother was concerned. After seeing a doctor, they recommended a specialist at a hospital. This was the beginning of some of the darkest times of my life, but I only realised this now, when looking back and I am still battling this every day.
Sitting in the waiting room, I wasn’t really concerned, I felt grown up almost. There was something wrong with me! This one concern was about me, and only me! I was finally seeing a doctor about why I felt like my body did not belong to me, feeling more male than female.
At first I thought the only symptom was not having a period cycle. But I was wrong… deeply wrong. I was already very self-conscious and aware of my body issues, always covering my body behind baggy clothing, I had a lot of the physical symptoms. I was fat, had slight back acne, slight hair on my face and lower back, skin discoloration in my armpit and thigh areas and I was always craving sugar and always tired. At this stage I had severe depression.
My whole life people had commented on my weight; my family, friends, people my own age (wishing someone understood what was happening to me and accepted the way I was, craving any male attention). It never really concerned me though, well I didn’t want people to think it concerned me.
Yes, it hurt when it was my own family, only because in my mind I was thinking ‘you’re the ones who made me like this’.
Yes, I was big, not morbidly obese…but big enough.
When people my age commented on my weight, either in just conversation or trying to insult me… I agreed with them… I didn’t deny the obvious. I never physically looked like the girls I went to school with or socialised with.
I was tall.
I was broad in stature.
I had no boobs and a flat butt (and I still don’t have either of these)
But I’ve learnt to accept my looks, and the way my body is. If I had a chance to change this, then yeah I probably would, but I can’t at this stage in my life…and that’s ok too.
Learn to accept yourself, the way you are. We are all beautiful and unique.
I will be discussing more of this subject in later blogs, so please follow me if you would like to read more about my struggle with PCOS, depression and self-image. And hopefully stories of other human struggles. We are all in this together.