Self reflection can be hard.
The things we hate about one person, is generally a trait we hate about ourselves.
The past twelve months, I have been very anti-social; but I want to be alone. I’m happy being in my own company.
I’m mentally tired of having the same conversations with people. Them complaining about the same thing, but not doing anything about it. Sometimes it’s easier to just complain.
And then I realised, why I find it so draining, it’s because I do it myself. Instead of focusing on my problems I complain until it’s a bigger problem. That’s why I’ve shut down, I can’t possibly do it anymore.
I have removed myself from most social outings, focusing purely on myself, on the person I want to be.
Sometimes you need to be selfish to find the best you. Most people understand or have listened to what I have told them, accepted and supported it during the transition.
Some people not so understanding, or not wanting to understand. I have tried to not loose friends over self healing, but it has happened, rarely, but it’s there. Them not accepting the reason behind my absence. I honestly did not think I was that important to anyone.
To become a little more social I recently joined Instagram! (Finally). Publicising my journal blog even more. Hoping if the people I lost continued to read and understood what I’m doing and why I need to do it, they would accept it more easily.
Almost all entries on this page are private journal entries and very personal. I publish them, hoping it does not fall on deaf ears, for people to understand I may not be there…
…but I’m present. Working hard.
It’s a chance to connect with me on a level that is easy and everything is explained in more detail than if words were said.
Hoping that in the end, these entries will not be used against me. So far there’s been a couple of times where this has happened.